Of all the bank accounts that matter, maintaining a credit in the account of your coworkers or employees, as they see you, is paramount.
For many years I have sought ways to find the positive, to give when others do not expect it, and thus to establish a credit in the account. In such a negative world, leading through positive energy has real power. BTW, that’s the way I like to be treated too.
Here is how it works. When you get to a point in the business where you need to make a withdrawal, or to ask someone for something that may seem as asking too much or even stretching the bands of what’s fair, that person will do the following. First they will listen to what is being asked, followed almost immediately by a quick check of the emotional bank account. If they view you and the way they have been treated as having a credit, they will do it, if not, or you have asked so often as to create a deficit, they will not.
One time when I was running Lombard, I had to ask a manager to relocate down to Orlando from the Bay area. He thought for a minute and then said something I will never forget; “If it’s you asking, I’ll do it.” Later, in our conversation, I made a promise to him that I would make him the next manager at our next location, and I kept that promise. As soon as he arrived in Orlando, I worked hard to make deposits in his account. To this day, he and I have long moved on to other careers, but the trust and respect is still there. I believe strongly in emotional bank accounts, and I encourage you to do the same.
I have witnessed the same give and take with developers many times over as well.
What follows is a piece from Stephen Covey discussing the subject.
When it comes to improving and maintaining our relationships with others, Stephen Covey’s metaphor of the Emotional Bank Account is probably one of the most powerful ideas ever created for the development of interpersonal relationships. If you’ve never heard of this, it basically means that anyone with whom we have a relationship with, whether it be our coworkers, family or friends, we maintain a personal “emotional” bank account with them. This account begins on a neutral balance. And just as with any bank account, we can make deposits and withdrawals. However, instead of dealing with units of monetary value, we deal with emotional units.
The emotional units that Covey speaks of are centered around trust. When we make emotional deposits into someone’s bank account, their fondness, trust, and confidence in us grows. And as a result our relationship develops and grows. If we can keep a positive reserve in our relationships, by making regular deposits, there will be greater tolerance for our mistakes and we’ll enjoy open communication with that person. On the contrary, when we make withdrawals and our balance becomes low or even overdrawn, bitterness, mistrust and discord develops. If we are to salvage the relationship, we must make a conscious effort to make regular deposits.
This post will discuss Covey’s six major ways of making deposits into these Emotional Bank Accounts and how we can avoid making withdrawals.
1. Understanding the Individual
In Covey’s book, seven habits of highly effective people, one of the seven habits is “seek first to understand then to be understood”. Truly understanding what others are feeling is not always that easy. We must remove ourselves from our egocentric viewpoint and put ourselves into the minds and shoes of others. I say minds and shoes because we must try to first understand the thought patterns and second walk in their shoes or empathize with them.
One of my major faults when communicating with others is, while they are talking I tend to think what I am going to say next. Truly understanding someone requires us to wholly and completely concentrate on what the other person is trying to say, not reloading, just waiting to fire off your response
2. Keeping Commitments
Certainly when we break our promises to others, we make major withdrawals from their Emotional Bank Accounts. However, keeping commitments is not just relegated to promises. It also includes things such as arriving to work and appointments on time, fulfilling our duties, and living up to every word that comes out of our mouth.
3. Clarifying Expectations
There is nothing more frustrating in a relationship than not understanding what is expected of you. Although many of us wish we could be, we are not mind readers. And because each of us sees life differently and has different backgrounds and life experiences, expecting someone to just “know” is not only unfair but completely unrealistic. It’s important that the person with whom you are dealing with, knows exactly what is expected of them. Doing this will keep them out of the dark and allow them to relate you confidently, knowing that what they are doing is in line with your expectations.
4. Attending to the Little Things
Little courtesies, kind words and warm smiles are at the heart of the little things that brighten up a relationship. It shows recognition and an awareness of others. It’s interesting, but within our relationships, if you want success, it’s the little things that really become the big things.
5. Showing Personal Integrity
Nothing is probably more damaging to a relationship, then a lack of integrity. Being that the Emotional Bank Account is based upon trust, you could essentially be doing all of the previous things, but without trust, it is to no avail. Integrity means wholeness, completeness, or soundness. In this case soundness of moral character. Integrity is the rock-solid foundation upon which all successful relationships are built.
6. Apologizing Sincerely When We Make a Withdrawal
Granted, we are all mortal. We make mistakes. That’s part of life and learning. Knowing when you are wrong and admitting your mistakes prevents the wounds that you’ve caused in others from festering and allows them to heal. When appropriate, sincere apology will keep your relationships accounts in the positive, allowing you to maintain the balance that has been created in your application of all of the previous steps.
Source: Stephen Covey
